Basic Techniques for Building Rapport

Dummies UK site (click on title) provides the article below, adapted from the book, Neurolinguistics for Dummies.

Seven quick ways to sharpen your rapport

For starters, try some immediate ways to begin building rapport:

* Take a genuine interest in getting to know what's important to the other person. Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first.
* Pick up on the key words, favourite phrases and way of speaking that someone uses and build these subtly into your own conversation.
* Notice how someone likes to handle information. Do they like lots of details or just the big picture? As you speak, feed back information in this same portion size.
* Breathe in unison with them.
* Look out for the other person's intention — their underlying aim — rather than what they do or say. They may not always get it right, but expect their heart to lie in the right place.
* Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice tone and speed.
* Respect the other person's time, energy, favourite people and money. They will be important resources for them.

Don't assume common knowledge

I just returned from a cross-country trip, and found this in my email, via Newswise:

Some people face their biggest problem with communication when sharing new information with people they know well, newly published research at the University of Chicago shows.

Because they already share quite a bit of common knowledge, people often use short, ambiguous messages in talking with co-workers and spouses, and accordingly unintentionally create misunderstandings, said Boaz Keysar, Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago.

“People are so used to talking with those with whom they already share a great deal of information, that when they have something really new to share, they often present it in away that assumes the person already knows it,” said Keysar, who with graduate student Shali Wu tested Keysar’s communication theories and presented the results in an article, “The Effect of Information Overlap on Communication Effectiveness,” published in the current issue of Cognitive Science.

“Sharing additional [new] information reduces communication effectiveness precisely when there is an opportunity to inform—when people communicate information only they themselves know,” the researchers said.

In real life situations, the assumptions people make about what another person knows have many consequences, Keysar said. Doctors, for instance, often communicate quickly with each other and miscommunicate because they don’t realize the other physician is getting new information when they are discussing a treatment program, he suggested.

Struggling to be Understood in Conversation

Yesterday, on the phone with my favorite teenager, I said, "So, what else is new?" I intended this to have its most sincere meaning. A snarky exchange ensued because the teenager took it as a criticism of her previous comments. Ummm.....

So I thought that gave me an intro to use to share this blogger's post and the original article in full.:

Lifehacker
Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?
By Leon on mistake

Conversation is an art, if you want to do it right. It is a big topic to discuss about, and has a lot of areas for improvements as it will affect your personal and professional life. This article will help. Henrik sends me his article on improving your conversation skill by introducing some common mistakes and solutions on it:

* Not listening
* Asking too many questions
* Tightening up
* Poor delivery
* Hogging the spot-light
* Having to be right
* Talking about a weird or negative topic
* Being boring
* Not reciprocating
* Not contributing much

Great rounds up on the common mistakes.

Most of the mistakes wouldn’t really push me away from the conversation, but the mistake Having to be right is deadly. Conversation is not about “winning” and definitely not about proving oneself “right”. If a person is doing this in front of me, I will refer the person to a debate forum and avoid to talk to him/her once and for all.

In your opinion, which mistake is the most deadly?

Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation? - [The Positivity Blog]