Sunday, November 02, 2008

An example of a simple list

I just came across this sentence on a website for a service center for people who cannot afford a lawyer. The problems with it are (at least):
1. the sentence is left-handed (three items consented to)
2. the sentence is too long
3. the sentence cries out for a list.

Consent to share information
I consent to the information on this form, the type of issue I have, and the record of services I receive at the center being shared as needed among those who work for the Self-help Center.

Rewritten:

I consent to having my personal information shared among those who work for the Self-help Center. Information means:

the information on this form,
the type of issue I have, and
the record of services I receive at the center.

That is just a quick effort at the job.

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